When Your Best Just Isn’t Good Enough
(I’ve been thinking, a lot, about my readers who are just getting started out on their own writing journey. While I’ve got lots of advice about where to look for work and tips for boosting their career, and I’ll get to those as time goes on, I think what follows is probably the most valuable lesson I can offer. There might even be something here for those of you who are well on your way, too.)
It’s 10:30 AM on October 16, 1986. I’m a freshman in High School. I’m sitting in Mr. Pryce’s Creative Writing Class. In my hands is the most amazing piece of poetry I’ve ever written in all my 14 years.
“I hope he likes it,” I think, almost out loud.
“Excellent job, Mr. Bokash. I absolutely love your voice in that piece.” Mr. Pryce’s voice is fairly small, almost high-pitched, but also very refined.
That really stunk, Matt. Wait till you hear MY voice, Mr. Pryce!
Mr. Younce. Are you ready?”
“Yes, sir, I am.”
I’m not sure what came next. I know I read a poem. I know it was around 14 lines long, and had something to do with the assigned topic of autumn.
“Interesting effort, Mr. Younce. Miss Smith, you’re next.”
Interesting? What could that mean?
I would find out what it meant the next day, when we received our grades. It meant that Matt Bokash, drama club suck-up, got an “A” and I got a “D.”
I dropped the class, and that was the last poem I wrote until I was in Dr. Mary Brown’s Creative Writing class in college.
———-
It’s raining at noon on November 7, 1991. I’m sitting on a bench outside what we still called “New Hall,” even though a Mr. Carmin had donated several hundred thousand dollars to Indiana Wesleyan University to make it “Carmin Hall.” I bet he’s wondering if it was money well spent.
I look at the girl sitting next to me, in the rain. She’s gorgeous, kind, witty. She’s everything I think I’ve ever wanted. She’s crying.
“I can’t, Bob. I’m so sorry. I just don’t feel that way about you.”
How can you not? Aren’t we kindred spirits? You said so yourself. You said you loved me!
I can’t speak the words, though. She continues.
“I love you, Bob. I love you like a brother. Or, more than a brother. I don’t know. But its no good. I can’t. You’re not…”
Not what? What do you need? I can give it to you! I can be it! I can do it!
But I can’t even ask it. So she answers anyways.
“Just not the right guy for me. I’m looking for something different. Someone less safe.”
I spent the next two years pining for her, trying to fill the void, even proposing to another girl in the process. I stopped pining when I met the woman that would eventually be my wife.
———
It’s 5:00 PM on a Thursday in April, 2002. I’ve just spent all day fixing a router in one of the academic buildings. I’m bushed, hungry, and I want to see my kids. I’ve already worked 41 hours this week, and I’m salaried, so I know I’ll be here again tomorrow.
“Rob wants you to go down to Miner Hall and clean up the wiring. He’s pretty upset; he said he was embarrassed to take the vendor into that data closet this afternoon. You’ve got to clean those cables up, now.” Middle-management Jim is feeling particularly managerial today.
“What do you want me to do, Jim? I need an outage to pull everyone’s cables. Rob won’t give me outages to do upgrades, when the hell am I supposed to do cable cleanup? Right fricking now, because Rob happened to be embarrassed today? What is that?”
I realize I’m yelling at this point, but don’t especially care. Jim looks like he’s scared I’ll punch him in the jaw. Tell you the truth, I’m thinking about it. I’m tired of this crap. He musters his courage, though.
“You just need to do it, all right? Rob’s not happy at all, and he’s coming down on me.”
“Fine, whatever, Jim. Oh, I’m going to need an outage, by the way. And YOU can call my kids and tell them why they haven’t seen their daddy all week, k?”
I stomp out of the room, crimpers and cable in hand.
That was the beginning of the end. The University decided it didn’t want me, and I decided I didn’t want them, either. It was the last time I worked for someone else.
———-
I understand failure, I do. I know how to fail. “Fail early, fail often,” Brett says. I get where he’s coming from, but he didn’t need to tell me. I’ve got failure down to an art.
But what happens when you don’t fail? What happens when your teacher plays favorites, your crush prefers bad boys or your boss is an inconsistent prick? What do you do when your best isn’t good enough? What are you going to do about it?
Learn the Lesson
Life is inherently unfair. Sometimes, the other guy gets the job because he’s friends with the publisher’s son, not because he’s a better writer. Sometimes, the webmaster doesn’t recognize quality content when she sees it. And, sometimes, your client will change project specs midstream and demand you charge him less because he thinks it should be easier now. How does that help you?
Knowing is half the battle; being prepared for the worst is the other half. Knowing what you could face, recognizing that sometimes things just won’t go your way, and being ready to make the best of it means that you’ll have a heck of an easier time picking up the pieces when disaster strikes. Recognize your own weaknesses and deal with them, but understand that other human beings are inherently unpredictable.
Love the Journey
Life has its ups and its downs. As human beings, we feel love and hatred and we even feel apathy at times. Pain and suffering and pleasure and ecstasy are all a part of it. Shakespeare was only half right; it is better to have loved and lost, but it is best to have loved, lost, and then loved again. It’s only more intense when it happens again. And odds are that, the second time around, you’ll be better off. You’ll be better at what you do, more cautious, and sometimes just more daring.
So many successful people became a success in their second or even third career. Ronald Reagan was a passable but forgettable actor, but one of the most memorable presidents. If you don’t like that example, think about Grandma Moses or the Apostle Paul or a hundred thousand other folks who started doing one thing in life but became disillusioned and set out to find their true passion.
Prove Them Wrong
The fact that someone else doesn’t recognize your greatness is irrelevant. It speaks more about them than it does about you. Mr. Pryce would soil himself if he knew I was making twice his salary writing. I’m in a satisfying relationship with a wife who loves me, really loves me. She knows what she wants, and she wants me. There was never a question with her. And my old boss, well, as it stands right now, he’ll never badger anyone else (Last I heard, he’d been moved to a position where he didn’t have anyone working under him.) The best revenge is success.
Now, it’s not easy. You’re going to have to work damned hard, and revenge can’t be your only motive. In fact, once you hit your stride you probably won’t give a rat’s ass about revenge. You might not bother to flaunt your success. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll write a blog post about it, but that’s about as far as you’ll go.
Take Action Now
There’s nothing revolutionary here, folks. Nothing you haven’t heard a thousand times. But you’ve got to act on it. If you don’t like your life how it is today, take action. No, don’t quit your day job. But get things going. Start writing, or painting, or begging the local comedy club to let you do a gig once a month. Step outside of your comfort zone and do something. Strip away anything that isn’t necessary. Give up your poker night to work on your novel. Spend an hour less playing World of Warcraft and work on your Match.com profile. Whatever it is you’re trying to achieve in life, you’ve got to take action if you’re going to get it. Only the fool waits for opportunity to knock; the wise man hunts opportunity down and wrestles with him until he relents.
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33 Responses to “When Your Best Just Isn’t Good Enough”
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This post struck a chord. I relate to a lot of your experiences.
Your stories may not be something one hasn’t heard before, but often what truly works is not something novel. It is a reminder.
Keep writing!
So, what’s her name? I’ll go kick her ass. How dare she break your heart? Actually, no wait, if she hadn’t told you no - where would I be today?
Hmm. All I know for sure is that I can’t think of a better place to be right now. Right next to you, it doesn’t matter if we’re in Mid-Michigan (in this house) or in a double-wide somewhere else.
Now, would you like some butter to go with that corn??
The thing is, you have to keep working for what you want everyday, and sometimes it just gets frustrating and boring. It’s amazing to me that you keep pushing through the hard spots and reaching for your dreams.
Fantastic post, dear. I’m so proud of you for continuing to reach for your goals and pushing me to do the same.
Oh Bob, I just loved this post. It really resonates with my experience, which is, of course, what all truly great writing should do. I particularly loved your Take Action Now segment, as this is what I’m working on right now. I’m finding that by putting myself and my work ‘out there’ I’m now being offered opportunities more exciting than I ever thought would come my way.
Anyway, another wonderful post! I’m off to rave about it on Twitter.
amypalkos last blog post..Links Less Ordinary
I loved reading this. I’ve had my failures. I’ve had so many that I make getting through them look easy. But I figured out a while back that I can do anything. I can’t control the people I’d like to (yeah, I know heartache) and I can’t change others (I had a few crappy jobs, too), and sometimes, I can’t give my kids what I wish I could (but I try).
But I learn. Every day, I learn a little more. I figure out what the positive is in the negative. I figure out the loopholes that turn a “no can do” into a “Yes, sir.”
And sometimes I give up for an hour or two - but I bounce back.
Oh, and dude? You ever get me all choked up again, I’ll come punch your lights out.
Neibu.
James Chartrand - Men with Penss last blog post..How to Show You Care About Your Customers
Wow, this is amazing. I think I have a tendency to let these moments convince me that I’m completely delusional and that success (in whatever I’m working on) is not in the cards. I will keep you in mind the next time the failure crazies are gnawing on me.
Sonia Simones last blog post..The Hidden Cost of Playing It Safe
Thanks @MenwithPens for directing me to this timely - and well written - post.
Today, I’m in the Warren Zevon frame of mind; “lay my head on the railroad track; poor, poor pitiful me.” My experience has taught me that tomorrow will be different, and I will be stronger and wiser.
Loved reading this, so recognizable and so timely as well. I’ve had them too, crappy bosses and crappy teachers. I used to be quite the stubborn own-minded person and rebelled against it. Failing often…
But the biggest failure (the one I’m kicking myself in the but for now) is giving in. Somehow along the way, I gave in and accepted it. Not consciously, no I was even conscious about taking control over my own life. But I gave in at work anyway and I lost myself. I didn’t (and often don’t) recognize myself in my work.
Now everyday I kick myself in the but and say no more! I know the job is not THE job, and I’m getting out of it. I started blogging a year ago, and set out entrepreneuring recently. I don’t ever want to lose myself anymore, not worth it.
As Brett says, I’d rather fail often than never fail again. Giving in or giving up, that’s not going to happen anymore.
Nice post on a Monday when I’m sorta dragging and just want to hop back into bed.
Now I’m going to put some music on and tackle that darn task that I’ve been putting off today.
This is just so timely.
Thank you.
Sometimes it’s hard to keep a sense of self during the tough times. To be able to listen to harsh words, learn from them but not let them pierce you like a knife.
Lodewijk, your comment resonated so well with me….I had been on the brink of giving in. You have reminded me that whilst I can’t change a circumstance, I can find a way around it. At the moment I am experiencing stasis much like the often quoted rabbit caught in approaching headlights. I need to start moving.
James, I truly believe you can do anything, with or without that pen of yours. Thank you for the reminder that there is a positive in the negative.
And Bob, your candour about the girl. I recently had cause to say to my exiting husband,
‘I wish you had loved me like that.’
‘I know,’ he said.
Just two words that I have allowed to destroy 15 years. You have your Angie Pangie which is wondrous - it also restores hope and faith for others.
And if you choke me up too much I shall have to invest in waterproof mascara which I can never remove properly so I shall have to turn to James to ask him to punch you one from me too.
Thank you again.
Hey, I know that teacher of yours! He grew up to become my boss with the little red pen!
JERKS.
Can’t hide from them
Bob, honestly, that was a great post.Every one of these people in my life have made me better. It never felt like it at the time… but eventually.it spurred me on to want to become something more…
Success really is the best revenge:)
Wendi Kellys last blog post..My Attitude, My Choice
Print. Read. Save. Read. Repeat.
Thank you.
rjleamans last blog post..rjleaman: just posted Affordable Online File Storage for Multiple Computers http://tinyurl.com/6lgohs
Bob,
I’m sitting here trying to figure out what to say, after having read this twice or three times. Seriously, this makes me want to cry. Right from the heart. The best thing I’ve read in a long time. And I understand exactly where you are coming from. The reasons why you did what you did, same reasons why I’m doing what I’m doing.
Life isn’t fair, sometimes if you work for someone else, they don’t know what they have in you, until you are gone.
We are all capable of greatness. It is up to us to go out there and prove it to the world.
Thanks for the words.
Brett
Brett Legrees last blog post..do what you love, and the underpants will follow.
I’m sitting here all vaklempt too because I needed to read this today. Last night I had that nightmare again. The one I’m having once a month where I dream about going back to the corporate world and the dream always ends badly. This time it ended with all the people I used to work with giving bad references for me while I sat in the lobby waiting for the hiring decision.
I’m having a rough time with freelance writing lately but I always learn something that makes each roadblock somewhat worthwhile.
Thanks for a very timely post.
Danas last blog post..Canadian English: A US and UK Hybrid
I just wanted to say thank you.
After accidentally finding you by following a random post on my first day using Twitter, your words and experiences have been such an inspiration to me.
So, thank you for trusting us enough to share your most vulnerable, and victorious moments.
Your posts are always full of motivation.
Pamela Weirs last blog post..A Writer’s Frustration
@ Angie Pangie - Hiya, kiddo. I knew I’d hit on a nerve when I saw that you’d commented. It’s the first you have, and I know it’s because you wanted to help me keep things professional over here. This was an intensely personal post, though, so it’s fitting that you commented.
I’m proud of everything you’ve done at Angie’s Pangies, too. Mmmmwah!
@ 1st time commenters - thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Don’t be strangers, OK?
@ All - I’m overwhelmed with the response to this post. There are so many different directions you all have taken it. You’ve all shared something of yourselves, and that is, in my mind, what makes this thread great. It’s not the post itself; it was a bit rambling, and not especially original. But that’s the point, right? It’s that these experiences - of unrecognized greatness, unrequited love and unfinished business - really are universal.
Learn and move on, but honour your feelings in the process.
I’m glad you had the wisdom to let yourself pine. Otherwise we can become awfully harsh (and, yes, vengeful).
Thank you for this powerful, thought-provoking, and inspiring post.
Your experiences remind of my own that I wrote about in this post: http://lillieammann.com/blog/2007/11/09/what-i-learned-from-rejection/
But you said it much more eloquently than I did.
Lillie Ammanns last blog post..Read and Comment Day
I’m kind of older than I look… but when I was little, they put me into a special class for the, ah, slow of learning because I spoke two languages and just happened to speak in the non-English one to my teacher. Once.
She thought I was saying bad words and dragged me by my ear to the principal.
It kind of didn’t get better from there. Well, it did and didn’t. Many ways, not so much.
To this day my attitude has been one of “I’ll show them ALL” and it’s worked out for me with respect to keeping on with the writing, improving, and not laying in the dirt to die when I’ve lost everything (like: job, home, most of possessions…).
Life really is not freaking fair.
Arachne Jerichos last blog post..A Personal Discovery of Authority
I came upon your site via http://www.chrisg.com/inspiration-aspiration/
Great post on overcoming your failures and striving hard to be the best you can be.
I also belief that if you try hard enough you and work smart you will be able to get where you desire.
Am working hard at the moment to make the conversion between SAHM to WAHM.
Have bookmarked your site for future reference.
GREAT post, Bob. And I defy that teacher to say it’s “interesting.” It is. And it’s fantastic.
I remember my girlfriend’s otherwise meek mother storming into 6th grade to straighten out the teacher who’d told her daughter that her poem didn’t get a better grade because “poems have to rhyme.” She got her better grade, and deservedly so. Sometimes the powers-that-be have no clue.
You bring us a very good reminder that taste is subjective and often the person judging has no experience to base that judgment on: just authority. It sucks, but it’s life.
Loris last blog post..
[…] train, go read this now! Hats off to Bob Younce for his fantastic and inspirational post When Your Best Just isn’t Good Enough. *Sigh*. Been there. Done that. LOVED this, […]
What a great post….I can surely relate to everything you have been through…AND that you have gotten your revenge.
Your post was from the heart and reading it made me feel I know you, even though we have never met.
You are an excellent writer and know how to keep your audience coming back for more…I wish you only the best.
Toni Shraders last blog post..Prepare Yourself For Success: 21 Myths That Will Keep You Broke, Myth #6
That really sucks, Bob. I can’t believe someone would do that to your poem. Cruel. Thanks for tweeting this off on twitter. It is a good post, very personal and intriguing. Thanks.
Ellen Wilsons last blog post..Feed on Some RSS Fruit
I’m not sure if it’s the red wine or if you’ve damn well inspired me……either way? Excellent post.
[…] So it is here. Read Bob’s The Writing Journey article on When Your Best Just Isn’t Good Enough. […]
[…] When Your Best Just Isn’t Good Enough […]
[…] I was thinking of Bob Younce, author of The Writing Journey, when I wrote this. Because he wrote an excellent piece on How Life in Unfair. And it is. Even […]
I can relate to your high-school English class. We all have had at least one A-hole teacher like that
What an incredible coincidence, though. This is the first time I’ve ever been to your blog, and an hour ago, I just finished writing about my High School English experiences.
As for Life, yeah, it’s Unfair.
I had a hard time accepting this, till I was in my mid-30’s. I think it takes us that long to gain enough wisdom to deal with that cold hard fact.
What it’s taught me is that when things DO go well, you enjoy it to the fullest.
Friars last blog post..How to Take Good Meeting Notes…
[…] and subscribe to. Bob has such a way with words which he demonstrated beautifully with his post, When Your Best Just Isn’t Good Enough: Life has its ups and its downs. As human beings, we feel love and hatred and we even feel apathy […]
What an inspiring post Bob. I felt like I was watching you doing all these things from a window that is slightly ajar.
I’ve also had many failures to deal with and like you said, we need to take action when things go wrong. Good on you for inspiring others and showing your real strength.
Monika Mundells last blog post..Proposing For A Job - Freelance Writing Guide
Hi Bob - I really enjoyed reading this. Isn’t it sad how we waste so much time letting others make us feel bad?
And poetry is really a matter of taste anyway. I’m glad you didn’t let the tutor put you off writing for life.
Cath Lawsons last blog post..The Pros And Cons Of Outsourcing Your Life
[…] When Your Best Just Isn’t Good Enough […]
I really enjoyed this post Bob because it shows the truly human reasons why we end up doing what we are doing, whether we love to write or not - and so glad you chose writing as it is well worth reading.
sue Jeffelss last blog post..Freelance Writing 3