From time to time, I like to go through my blog stats and see what brings people to my shores. While search engines aren’t my main source of traffic, they do bring in quite a few people. I’m always interested by what searches lead people here.
I found one yesterday, though, that seemed to hit home. Someone plugged this into a search engine, and it landed them here:
Every time i build up hope then i fail.
Now I don’t know about you, but it sounds to me like this particular web surfer has had a rough go of it. It sounds like he’s had his share of setbacks, that he’s seen some dreams fall by the wayside. I feel for this reader, I really do. I’ve been there.
But there’s a problem here. I think the reader has some cognitive distortions.
What are cognitive distortions? Simply put, cognitive distortions are ways of thinking that don’t reflect reality. Here’s an example of a cognitive distortion:
My daughter forgot her lunchbox today, therefore she must not like my cooking.
A cognitive distortion often takes the form of a fictional cause-and-effect relationship. Here’s another example:
My boyfriend left me because I’m a worthless person.
Unless you believe that the universe itself is out to get you, “Every time i build up hope then i fail” is a cognitive distortion, too.
You see, I’d argue quite the opposite of my reader’s supposition. I’d argue that hope, while it doesn’t guarantee success, is one of the prerequisites to success.
While I don’t believe that positive thinking is enough to bring something into being, I do think that positive thinking combined with informed and dedicated action will eventually produce results.
So, what do you think? What advice would you offer to my visitor?
photo credit: Ligadier Truffaut
9 comments ↓
Believing those cognitive distortion is what I call ‘listening to your inner-demons’. When self-esteem issues plague someone, they’re constantly controlled by that inner voice that says things that are hurtful and reinforce the thoughts that any form of success is impossible.
I say we need to learn to ignore those voices. We need to stop thinking our writing is uninteresting, we need to stop blaming others for our lack of success.
Success comes from talent (small part), hard work (big part) and guts to shut those inner-demons and throw ourselves down a cliff.
That cliff is a figure of speech meaning a daunting project…
Just making sure…
When I read this, I was thinking, “How in the world did they end up on this blog with those keywords!”:D
Jamie Simmermans last blog post..We Donate with Squidoo, Do You?
@ Chatty DM ” Success comes from talent (small part), hard work (big part) and guts to shut those inner-demons and throw ourselves down a cliff.”
I LOVE that!
Jamie Simmermans last blog post..We Donate with Squidoo, Do You?
I think some of us optimistic folks tend to view the world a bit too rosily at times. It can be easy to get your hopes up — and have them dashed when dreams and reality don’t quite match up.
I’d say: base your hopes on something. It’s great to dream, but don’t be completely unrealistic. Why not pick some small targets, and get on an “achievement roll” … then go for the bigger ones.
And be willing to accept that sometimes success won’t come in the form that you’d hoped for or predicted — but it’ll be success all the same (and often better than you’d imagined).
Ali Hale (from Alpha Student)s last blog post..No clean underwear? Low-effort laundry tips
This is a trap that a lot of shy people fall into as well. They’re so worried about making a good impression on a new person, that they don’t think that the other person may be uncomfortable too. When I was going though a shy spell I used to think that any sign of the other person being uncomfortable meant that they didn’t like me. When it turned out that they were a bit shy too!
Crystals last blog post..Rebelling against procrastination?
Advice.
1. If hope doesn’t work for you then work with what you feel is certain or immediate.
You may not be able to run a marathon but 20 minutes a day will improve your health. Small steps can be worthwhile and in small steps can lead to bigger steps.
2. Anger is a valid part of grieving and disappointment. If you are angry there are safe ways to express it. When you express it with all of you then you feel a cleansing and relief. This is a gain if nothing else.
3. If you would like me to deal with more specifics feel free to email me.
Evans last blog post..What Do You Say?
Failure’s okay. You have to fail first before you succeed, right? Here’s the thing — it’s the people who keep trying. Those are the folks who eventually succeed. That’s why there’s a limitless supply of hope. It’s up to each of us to keep acting on it.
Melissa Donovans last blog post..Book Lovers’ Special
This type of analysis only works when you have words to describe the feeling you’re having. I find that when I feel negative emotions, they often come in under the radar, without seemingly any cognition. The first step, and the one I find hardest, is putting words to the “thought” that brought tthe emotion. It’s like reverse engineering. Then I work on the distortion. Journalling can be a good tool for this.
Craigs last blog post..I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo….
Leave a Comment